I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
