it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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