guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
