he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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