I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"