A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie