At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one