Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?