Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.