oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
