I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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