You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
