those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
