After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
