Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
