new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I would fuck him just for his dog
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
