I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
