i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
