if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
