problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
