Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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