Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
