I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
