i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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