true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
