I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
