the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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