life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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