I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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