why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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