But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
