I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
