And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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