They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
