When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
