sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Less talking, more tequila
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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