3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
