dude i'm inner monologue high
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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