where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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