Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
