It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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