I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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