Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
