Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
