Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
