the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
