Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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