She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
