According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
