I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
