WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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