My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
