Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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