If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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