yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
