Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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