Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
