The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
