that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
