Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
