Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
