She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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