I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
