Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
