Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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