its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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