If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
