You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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