I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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