I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
