If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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