Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
