Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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